A satirical look at British politics


Fed up with British politics and Brexit at the minute? Well luckily for us all, Nerve’s Harrison Taylor has taken a satirical look at the state of the country…

Theresa May’s position as the duly manager of the Conservative FC and national team is hanging by a thread following her decision to ask for an extension to the league’s schedule. The decision to extend the league campaign was made so that new fixtures could be arrange and the UK may be able to avoid relegation and not fall into the ‘no deal Brexit’ zone.

The position of May has seemed untenable for a while now and it was clear that she lost the dressing room many months ago – yet she mysteriously survived a confidence vote prior to Christmas by a majority of 83 MPs (aka Machiavellian Player). However, her consistent choice of Olly Robbins to lead the attacking line in matches against the EU has met much hostility with the ERG – a Eurosceptic section of the Board who desperately want to see May change her tactics away tiki-taka style of play. It should be mentioned that ERG wanted May out in December, believing Sam Allardyce was the more suited to turning around the ‘Tories’.

Meanwhile, Labour Not-So-United has began a campaign to reverse the decision made by the British people 2 and a half years ago to no longer play continental football. The decision has been forced on Jeremy Corbyn, Labour’s manager and fan favourite, by his own substitutes – common referred to as backbenchers.

Garry Knight from London, England [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Corbyn had initially favoured May resigning as leader of the national side with Corbyn believing he had the right credentials to replace her, but since the turn of the year it had become increasingly clear that Mr Corbyn didn’t have the numbers required to topple Mrs May. A major contributor to Jez’s difficulty is his rivalry with the DUP Rangers that dates back to the 1980s.

In other news, The Independent Group – a new superficial ‘dreamteam’ of both Labour and Conservative players that found their style of player not suited to their respective managers – have argued that the public is more aware of the misinformation that was spread about the EU Super League during the 2016 referendum. One example of misinformation that TIG cite is Boris Johnson’s (the Conservative FC’s wonder-how-the-kid-got-passed-disciplinary-trials) claim that leaving the EU would boost the grassroots game by the tune of £350m a week – enough to pay 6 weeks of Aaron Ramsey’s salary at Juventus.