Coming to uni means you will have to navigate the nightmare of living with people you don’t share DNA with. They will probably have a different accent, not understand your weird hometown lingo, and will have a thousand annoying habits (and will also find everything about you equally annoying). Alternatively, you might actually end up liking your housemates.
To forewarn you about the domestic madness you might come across in halls, we’ve summed up the 5 most common types of housemates you’ll end up living with this freshers.
1 – The student cliche
There’s always one- the human embodiment of the student stereotype. They literally don’t know what an oven is, and thinks the clear stuff that comes out the tap is actually vodka. Money will always be scarce, except when it comes to anything you need ID to purchase. You will spend the year wondering if they have ever touched a pen or written anything down in their life. How did they even get into uni?
2 – The flat ‘mum’
The flat ‘mum’ is a reliable, maternal figure on the outside. They will suggest group meals and will look after everyone on nights out. The flat mum seems truly lovely, but is actually full of resentment for the rest of the flat on the inside. ‘Mum’ will wash-up and clean the toilet not because they’re a martyr like that, but because passive-aggressively leaving the flat to rot has left them rocking back and forth in the shower.
Look after the mum of the house or they will put you all up for adoption.
3 – Jim
There’s always one, the off-screen, real-life version of Jim from Friday Night Dinner. Although bereft of his canine or general animal companion due to the no pets policy in student accommodation, Jim will nevertheless be VERY creepy. If you have a strange feeling someone is lingering behind your bedroom door, it’s probably Jim. If your once folded towels and clothes are now crumpled, it’s probably been sniffed by Jim.
How do you survive Jim? You don’t. You must simply evade him until the correct authorities take over.
4 – The baffled foreign student
Britain in itself is baffling, but Bournemouth is like a different country in itself. The baffled foreign student will not only be asking themselves questions like why are there two boiling hot/freezing cold taps, and does anyone actually like Marmite? but they’ll also be asking themselves why people go out drinking at Spoons (a utensil, right?) and why people call Toast a night out, and not a delicious breakfast food. Confusing, isn’t it?
Give them a month and they will be a million pints deep in British student culture. They love it, really.
5 – The housemate you never really see…
This is something that genuinely happens. You will meet a housemate once or twice, and then literally never again. The rest of the flat will form a think tank to try and remember what their name is and what course they do without any success. What do they look like? Sometimes you might hear them move around a bit in the night, but when you look in the hallway, no one is there. The only telltale signs that they are still alive is a plate or mug left in the kitchen a few times a semester. Other than hooking up CCTV in the kitchen, just give up on trying to meet them properly. They’re probably just shy (or they think you’re all animals).
Tadaah! That’s literally everyone you will ever meet in BU halls. Well, it’s not but at least we had a good crack at it, eh? Who will you be? But most importantly, which ones will you have to live with?
We wish you all domestic harmony and for your milk never to be stolen in your year ahead in halls. Enjoy it, and remember passive aggressive notes will not fix all your problems.